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The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. Indeed, too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like, but Mitzy and her friends are the exact opposite. She was spottet today with her good friend Andra shopping in town. Mitzy’s friend Mitzi and the latter’s boyfriend also joined them. Mitzy was quite picky and was not at all satisfied. Andra found a dress that she liked and bought so at least she was happy! They walked like buddhist monks in search for the perfect item and then they went home.
O reevowr, beetches!
While visiting two friends who came back from their holiday, Mitzy and the man she hopes will soon propose to her, met two other friends there, had chicken wings and ice-cream (lots of ice-cream!) and watched holiday pictures together. We heard that they talked about marriage (well, fought about it), specifically proposing. Of course, this is none of our business, since we aren’t really so fond of pursuing connubial complacency!
But, in order to fill more lines than we usually do, we will provide some quotes from a mock bride-guide, apparently published in some religious magazine more than a hundred years ago:
“To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding
itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative
side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.”
“One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.”
“Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make
every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife’s best
friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction. Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.”
“Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety
of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted. A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed. Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access. When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily emotion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he
attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory. If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time. Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the
waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection. She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.”
Here are some random pictures with Mitzy, cause we’ve been busy with stuff but we don’t want our readers starving for information. As far as we know, she’s doing fine. It’s also raining and we didn’t leave the house, except for going to pay the Administrator of the building we live in, but apparently we missed the sheduled periode by a few (12) hours!
After an exhausting day at work (well, we don’t know that, but we just assume), Mitzy had an even more exhausting afternoon: she had to do laundry and learn the modal verbs in German (wollen, sollen, können, mögen, müssen, dürfen) and some prepositions for the dative case. She also boiled some maize that smelled delicious! At the same time she should have been out sunbathing with her boyfriend who went fishing, but she chose to stick to her responsibilities (Hear that, Lindsay Lohan?)
We have no idea how the maize turned out as we didn’t want to disturb her, but we did notice that her friend Mitzi visited her and they had ice-cream! God knows what fashion statement the latter wanted to make, but evidently she’s been catching the “Madonnaworkout style” infection and we wish her a speedy recovery! (we love you baby, but face it, she’s madonna!)
